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| I can relate to this little sideways goat. |
I was recently diagnosed with Adult ADHD. What does it feel like? See that little goat with his head turned sideways? My thoughts have raced around at a frantic pace since I was a kid, making me feel as if I was viewing everything at a slight tilt. No neat little rows of easily accessible information for me. It's been like having the messiest filing cabinet in the world in my mind, with everything simply shoved inside in random order.
Over the years I learned tricks to help me function. I made lists at work like a mad woman, and carried a notebook with me everywhere. If I didn't write it down, it was lost forever. When I needed to remember to do something, I often left an item out so I could see it as a reminder. Getting up during boring meetings and trainings wasn't appropriate business protocol, but taking the cap off of a pen over and over and over and over was OK. So was slipping my shoes off and on, off and on, off and on under the table where no one could see. And the Internet with its online banking and automatic payments became my best friend ever. I no longer had to remember to pay any of my bills.
I have my new husband to thank for helping me seek the help I've needed for so long. I wish I had been diagnosed so much sooner, but I've never been the typical bouncing-off-the-walls ADHD person that most people envision. I'm a daydreamer, unfocused, forgetful, fidgety, a little impulsive, hard to have a conversation with, can't follow directions, leave things partially done, and until recently was fairly good at masking and minimizing my symptoms so they didn't add up to something being "wrong" with me.
What I've come to realize is that there is nothing wrong with me, I'm just wired differently. My brain needs to be stimulated so I don't have all those symptoms that add up to ADHD. I started taking Concerta a couple of days ago and I can already feel a difference. I feel calmer, able to access information in my head easier and more quickly.
Of course, this is just the beginning of my journey. I still need to learn tools to help me live a more normal life. We'll have to figure out the right dosage of medication and I'll have to stay committed to taking it daily. But I'm looking forward to these things. I'm looking forward to never again feeling like I'm looking at the world sideways like that little goat.
What I've come to realize is that there is nothing wrong with me, I'm just wired differently. My brain needs to be stimulated so I don't have all those symptoms that add up to ADHD. I started taking Concerta a couple of days ago and I can already feel a difference. I feel calmer, able to access information in my head easier and more quickly.
Of course, this is just the beginning of my journey. I still need to learn tools to help me live a more normal life. We'll have to figure out the right dosage of medication and I'll have to stay committed to taking it daily. But I'm looking forward to these things. I'm looking forward to never again feeling like I'm looking at the world sideways like that little goat.
Thank you for sharing! I wonder how many other people have it and don't know. It takes courage to get help and even more to write about it. I admire you. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Michelle! I honestly do have Steven to thank. I'm thankful I have him.
ReplyDeleteI second that Michelle and am glad you're on the right path to recovery Kristy. BHugs
ReplyDeleteGreat post Christy! Thanks for sharing with us! Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Marie and Sarah! Hugs back! :-)
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling Christy. Can't finish a thought, projects-a-million lying around unfinished because something else caught my eye, worst thing is in bed at night when i am trying to go to sleep and EVERYTHING in my head is trying to get my attention...I've learned to overcome that by singing a song (in my head) over and over again to keep the ideas and thoughts from flooding in, although sometimes they still manage to creep in.
ReplyDeleteDo you find it hard to do things like planning out a menu, writing a grocery list, etc?
I'm glad you are feeling better on the meds. Not an option for me right now. Steven is the best!
OMG, Carrie! I can't believe you mentioned singing a song in your head to get to sleep. I've done that since I was a little girl. Sometimes it's the only way I can get my mind to filter out all the other thoughts racing around. It's so comforting to hear about other people who are like me. I wish you could be on meds. I'm really finding it helpful.
ReplyDeleteAs for planning out menus, grocery lists, etc. I've trained myself to make lists and look at them. What's been really hard for me are To Do lists. I try but they seem too overwhelming. Even when I keep them short. I'm hoping to get better. Evernote on my phone is helping me.
Christy,
ReplyDeleteYou just wrote my life story in your blog. I was literally just thinking this morning that I probably walk 2-3 miles around my house in the morning just trying to get myself and the kids ready because I am so scattered and disorganized...ugh "No neat little rows of easily accessible information for me. It's been like having the messiest filing cabinet in the world in my mind, with everything simply shoved inside in random order." This quote speaks to me personally because I have always been so envious of people with neat little files, neatly taken notes that make sense and NO piles of incomplete work or thoughts.
I discovered at one point in my life that if I tried to pray I ended up mostly saying "Im sorry God that I lost my train of thought, this really is important to me."
I have tried everything to help myself fall asleep...singing songs, picturing the color black and saying the word black over and over and over. I attempted yoga and meditation but once again, lost in a scramble of thoughts I found the concentration required to be impossible.
I was recently thinking,"I have been dealing with this for so long that I am too old to seek treatment now." Thank for inspiring me to call and make an appointment for evaluation!
BTW...love the goat picture, we have lots of cute little goats at home!
Salena, there's a reason for everything, and the timing of our conversation was just meant to be. I'm really happy I inspired you to make the call, and I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes. We're not alone in this, and we need to remember that.
DeleteI've done yoga and meditation off and on since I was a teen, and I found that sometimes I was more successful than others. When I could get my mind to cooperate, it was awesome! I hope to get into a routine of doing yoga again because I've heard it helps.
BTW, I love goats! I took that photo near my condo when they were using goats in Liberty Lake to control noxious weeds. I was thrilled I got to help move them to a new location while I was taking pics.
When my brother and I were kids, I remember wondering why he couldn't seem to sit still for a second and why when he was still he seemed to be off in another world. He never remembered anything anybody told him and forget about him noticing anything. Our mom would get so frustrated with him because he said he didn't see the toys on the floor as he walked past them. It wasn't until he was an adult that he was diagnosed as ADHD. Medication and learning how to deal with everyday situations has been a Godsend for him. He used to be a mess but now he's a lot better. I can actually talk to him like a normal person. I love my ADHD brother. But it's a lot less frustrating now.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Grey Goose! It's so good to hear that medication and education has helped your brother. That gives me hope.
DeleteI know I frustrate the people that have to deal with me, and I wish I could snap my fingers and be different today. But hearing stories about people who have been diagnosed and who are dealing with life better after the diagnosis really helps. It lets me know that who I am today isn't who I will be in the future. Hopefully I will continue to grow and change for the better as I learn more about ADHD and myself.
I like your blog post. I was diagnosed a year ago and my world isn't as chaotic as it used to be. Medication was key for me. Well, that and my therapist. He's helped me learn how to do things so I don't forget all the time. I don't miss things in conversations as much as I used to, and I don't answer questions if I didn't really hear them or understand them (this was a bad one with me).
ReplyDeleteMy wife was ready to walk out before the diagnosis. Now we're communicating and we have systems for things that work for both of us. It's been a journey worth taking together.
My best advice? Hang in there and keep trying. If the meds don't work, let your doc know so he can adjust or change them. Read as much as you can and if you can afford it, see a therapist or ADHD coach. Be patient with yourself.
If your husband reads this, he definitely got the short end of the stick, but you know what? If you do what you need to do it's going to get better. And here's the thing with marriage. Sometime over the course of it, you're going to have to be patient with him about something big and hang in there with him. It all balances out. That's something my wife and I have discovered.
ADHD isn't a bad thing. It makes you different, sure, but you write well and sound intelligent. Just remember, ADHD doesn't have to define you. It's just something that needs to be managed and dealt with, like having a hearing problem or eyesight problem. It isn't life threatening. You are still the person you were before the diagnosis. You just know why you've always done things the way you have. :)
OMG, Joe! Some of the things you mentioned are things I struggle with now. Like Grey Goose, you give me hope! Thank you!
DeleteMy doc and I are working on adjusting my medication now, and hopefully we'll find the right dosage soon. I'm also seeing someone so I can get the right tools to learn to function more normally in life. I can't imagine trying to do this without medication or help. I'm just very thankful I have insurance and can afford it.
My husband does read my blog and the comments, and yeah, he got the short end of the stick this time. But he's hanging in there with me, and we're figuring it out as we go. We're both looking forward to the day when I'm not as loopy as I am now.
@Joe: I just wrote a lengthy comment to @Rick way below here, but you can basically read it and substitute your name for his 'cos all the same stuff applies. Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. It's nice hearing from "real" people.
DeleteMy daughter is ADHD, and I can't imagine how difficult her life would be if she didn't find out until she was an adult. We have her on medication and we're working with a psychologist to find ways to keep her successful. It's challenging.
ReplyDeleteWishing you much luck and success in your journey! You're very brave to be open and write about it. I admire you.
Thank you, Kirani! Best of luck to you and your daughter too! I'm happy you discovered it while she's young.
DeleteIt's interesting reading about other people's experiences with themselves and family members who are ADHD. I guess I don't really know as much as I thought I did about it. I thought it was just that people with it couldn't pay attention because they were distracted. Sounds like it's more.
ReplyDelete@Sarah, my daughter struggles primarily with communication and memory issues. If you're interested, this is one of the best articles I've read that explains the communication aspect. I highly recommend it as reading for anyone with an ADHD family member, friend, or coworker.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-bertin-md/adhd_b_2330041.html
I wish we could post links on here, but if you copy and paste it, you'll get there.
ADHD is misunderstood. I've had to learn about it. It isn't just that they're distracted; it's so much more. I feel such sorrow that my daughter has this disability and struggles with it.
I haven't had a chance to read the article yet, but I do have it bookmarked for later. I'm reading as much as I can about ADHD. Thanks for the link!
DeleteWow! Reading what everyone's said is amazing. It's nice to hear so many points of view. I've been reading about adult ADHD and it's definitely challenging for all involved. ADHD is baffling and difficult to understand or empathize with without experiencing it first hand.
ReplyDeleteI still get frustrated from time to time, but a big thing for me has been finding out what the hell's been going on. Being able to put a name to it and take action (medication, therapy) is huge for me. But this is mostly about Christy getting better. I'm just along for the ride, but hopefully I can get some tools to make the ride smoother for both of us.
And besides, I'm gonna have some short sticks to hand out soon enough I'm sure!
@Steven, if you haven't already, read the article I posted for @Sarah. It's a good one. I'm glad you're reading about adult ADHD. Hopefully you'll find some support for yourself someplace too. This isn't just about Christy, but it's about you too. ADHD affects the entire family.
DeleteIt can be very frustrating dealing with an ADHD person, and I know my patience wears very thin some days, but I love my daughter and in the end, I'd do anything I could for her. The love of a parent for a child is different than that of a spouse for a spouse, but I'm sure you're equally dedicated and devoted to @Christy.
Education for both of you is important. The more you know, the better you'll be equipped to handle things and change things for the better.
Steven, we're in this together, baby. You've been very supportive and helpful. I really like the way you've taken many of the things you've read and applied them to help me, like asking me to look at you when you know I'm having a hard time paying attention while you're speaking. It's a small thing, but so very helpful. You're a wonderful husband, and I feel so lucky to have you in my corner.
DeleteI love you!
This is a good one that tells what it's like to have ADHD by someone who has it. It's funny that a lot of ADHD people I know are very creative.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/edward-m-hallowell-md/what-adhd-feels-like_b_1627463.html
I was diagnosed several years ago as an adult. Being on medication and working with a therapist has really helped. I'm a creative, imaginative person who was never able to finish my art because of the storm in my head. Now I'm selling it. Inspiration comes to me and I act on it.
I thank my lucky stars for my wife. She helped me every step of the way. @Christy, it sounds like you have a supportive husband. This will make a tough trip easier.
Best to you both!
Awesome article, @Rick. I like to think I'm so progressive and sensitive, but ADHD has really thrown me for a loop. I suffered from a pretty bad depression a few years ago and I felt like a lot of people didn't quite "get it". But at least there was some vague understanding of it since most people have suffered some degree of depression in their adult life. But ADHD...geez. That's a whole other beast. I'm just so glad so many of you are sharing your experience and hope here. I didn't have any doubt that Christy and I would make it thru this, but it's gratifying to hear from folks who really are making it.
DeleteThanks for sharing, @Rick!
One more thing, @Rick: loved the HuffPost article!
DeleteI'm looking forward to reading this article too, and have it bookmarked. Thanks for sharing, Rick! It's wonderful to hear from people who are successful at finding ways to live with their ADHD.
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